I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
