well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
