too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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