i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
