He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
