I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
