I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
