the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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