What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
