I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
