Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
