I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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