Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
