that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
