I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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