i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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