if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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