theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
