Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
