thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
