You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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