I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
