wrigley field is MILF paradise
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
