you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
