You really coming over, don't trick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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