I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
