i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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