i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
