Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
