I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
