i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
