I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
