Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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