i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
