im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
