I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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