redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
