just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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