I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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