Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize