i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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