Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
