Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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