Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
