Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
