Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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