apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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