this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
