Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
