we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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