Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
