She is in my trunk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
