I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
