I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
