And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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