He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize