Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
