i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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