you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
