This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
