afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have fence marks all over my body
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
