i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
