$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
