I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
