i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
